Officiating at an Intermarriage

by R. Gil Student

Is a rabbi allowed to officiate at an intermarriage, a wedding between a Jew and a gentile? Nearly all halakhically observant Jews will instinctively answer no. Despite that, I would like to explore some of the issues involved because they have broader application. There are questions of technical halakhah and broader considerations, all of which are important.

I. Participating in the Sin

One potential concern is that a rabbi who officiates in a forbidden marriage takes part in the prohibition. Since the marriage itself is forbidden, by officiating at the wedding, the rabbi violates the prohibition. However, this misunderstands the role of a rabbi in a wedding. In the Jewish tradition, a marriage is a private agreement between the husband and wife. The rabbi does not create the marriage. Rather, when the man gives the ring to the woman in front of witnesses and she accepts it, together they create the marriage.

Rav Ya’akov Emden (18th cen., Germany) was asked whether a rabbi in mourning may officiate at a wedding even though a mourner must avoid joyous celebrations. Rav Emden replies that really the groom should recite all the blessings at a wedding, including the sheva berakhos, the seven blessings under the chupah. The custom developed for the rabbi to do that but it is only a custom. However, the rabbi honors the bride and groom by officiating and therefore it constitutes a chesed, a kindness of the rabbi toward the couple. Because it is a mitzvah of chesed, a rabbi in mourning may officiate at a wedding (She’eilas Ya’abetz, vol. 2, no. 179).

Rav Yosef Zecharyah Stern (19th cen., Lithuania) is puzzled by this minimal role that Rav Emden allocates to an officiating rabbi. There is an entire literature about weddings done improperly and the obligation of a rabbi to ensure that all the technicalities are fulfilled so the couple is truly married according to halakhah (Responsa Zeikher Yehosef, Even Ha-Ezer 11). Regardless, both Rav Emden and Rav Stern agree that the officiating rabbi does not actually participate in the marriage. The man and woman create the marriage while the rabbi supervises. Therefore, the rabbi does not actually participate in creating a forbidden marriage. We will discuss further whether supervising over a forbidden marriage is itself problematic.

II. Stumbling Block

It is forbidden to cause someone to sin based on the non-literal, halakhic reading of the verse, “Do not put a stumbling block before the blind” (Lev. 19:14). Because it is common practice to have clergy officiate at a wedding, a rabbi might be considered placing a stumbling block in front of the couple by officiating. However, the Gemara (Avodah Zarah 6b) says that you only violate this prohibition if the sinner needs your involvement. If the sinner and a forbidden object are on two sides of a river and you pass the object to the other side, you play an essential role in the sin. Regarding marriage, the couple has the option to use non-Jewish clergy or a justice of the peace. Therefore, a rabbi is not necessary and if a rabbi does officiate, he does not violate this prohibition.

However, beyond the biblical prohibition of placing a stumbling block, there is an additional rabbinic prohibition of assisting sinners in the commission of a sin (mesayei’a yedei overei aveirah). A rabbi who officiates at a forbidden wedding may be considered assisting the couple. This question arises regarding matchmaking for non-observant Jews. Are you allowed to encourage two non-observant Jews to date even though if they marry they will not observe the laws of niddah? Does that constitute assisting in the commission of a sin? I discuss at length elsewhere the debate over this subject (link). Rav Yechiel Ya’akov Weinberg (20th cen., Germany-Switzerland) addresses this question in the context of whether a rabbi may officiate at the wedding of a non-observant couple (Seridei Eish, 2:93 in the 2006 edition). Rav Weinberg says that he insists that the bride go to the mikveh before the wedding. Therefore, not only is there no violation of halakhah at the wedding, there will be no violation later that night either. Significantly, he adds that since this couple does not need the rabbi in order to live together, the rabbi is not causing or assisting in any sins.

Presumably, this applies to any forbidden marriage. The couple will live together regardless of whether the rabbi officiates. However, here we may need to distinguish between a forbidden wedding in which a marriage takes effect (kiddushin tofesim) and one in which the prohibition is so severe that the couple is never actually married (ein kiddushin tofesim). For example, if a kohen marries a divorcee, the marriage takes effect but is forbidden. If two siblings marry each other, the marriage does not take effect and the violation occurs when the two live together. If the marriage takes effect and is forbidden, then the rabbi is assisting the couple at the time of a prohibition which constitutes mesayei’a. In an intermarriage, the marriage does not take effect so there is no immediate violation. There is a violation on the wedding night but that would happen even without the rabbi or the wedding. However, when the marriage does not take effect, any blessings recited at the wedding would be unnecessary and therefore forbidden. If a rabbi adjusts the wedding ceremony to avoid reciting actual blessings, such as by reading biblical verses instead, he can avoid this prohibition as well.

III. Encouraging the Sin

Rav Simcha Bamberger (19th cen., Germany) was asked whether a rabbi may officiate at a wedding of a man who divorced his wife civilly but not religiously and now wants to remarry. Technically a man may have two wives but an early medieval decree — Cherem Rabbeinu Gershom — forbids it. Assuming the first wife does not object to the arrangement, may a rabbi officiate at a wedding in which the groom violates Cherem Rabbeinu Gershom? Rav Bamberger answers that it is problematic because even if the rabbi does not violate mesayei’a, the witnesses do because — unlike the rabbi — they are essential to the wedding ceremony. Additionally, we must consider the impact on the public of a rabbi associating with such a violation. If a rabbi legitimizes this kind of behavior, he offers religious support to a sin. Indeed, over time the public will become confused about what is permissible and what is forbidden. By officiating, the rabbi gives religious license to forbidden marriages, which not only encourages it but justifies it in the eyes of the public (Responsa Zeikher Simcha, no. 172).

All of the above seems a bit too technical. Shouldn’t a Jew committed to Torah be offended by attending a forbidden wedding? We want fewer sins, not more of them. Rav Moshe Schick (Hungary, 19th cen.) was asked by a religious functionary whose job was dependent on attending the local synagogue whether he may stay in his job after the synagogue removed its mechitzah. Rav Schick replies that it is forbidden to be in a place where people are committing a sin. Among other texts, he quotes the Mishnah (Makkos 5b) that those who associate with sinners are punished like sinners (Responsa Maharam Schick, Orach Chaim, no. 71). According to this view, it is forbidden for anyone to attend a forbidden wedding.

While there are authorities who are a bit more lenient on witnessing a sin, it is improper to celebrate the commission of a sin, i.e. the forbidden marriage, just like we would not celebrate an unethical act. How can people who believe that Torah is the right path celebrate when someone takes a wrong path? Granted, sometimes it is necessary to be in an uncomfortable situation for the sake of family or other considerations, which should be done in consultation with a rabbi, but ultimately this is at most an occasion in which we begrudgingly smile for the sake of peace. We want our friends and loved ones to be happy but in a way that is good for their soul. Since officiating at or attending a forbidden wedding constitutes a public celebration of the union, it is a chillul Hashem, a desecration of God’s name to publicly celebrate the violation of halakhah.

(reposted from Feb ’25)